An update on my life back home in Penang.. been so bored during the holidays.. all my regular hang out friends arent home.. some only come back once in 2 weeks, others are busy with college.. haha so basically iv been rotting at home.. here are some of the things i've done since i got back.. 1. watched all the new english movies with different groups of friends. (church friends, ex sch mates n so on) 2. went shopping(as usual) for shirts, pants, shoes, bags, oohhh n iv got the new swatch spring summer watch. its got swarovski crystals on it. kinda chunky. but its in fashion. =) What's a holiday without shopping hehehe.. plus daddy bought me some stuff from his trip to Vietnam - 2 lovely beaded handbags, more of Dior's Pure Poison perfume(my favourite!) and other Dior parfums. then a few days later i bought a whole set of Mac makeup. still have a free makeover with them. that'll be fun! =) been goin crazy over these things.. but it makes me happy hehe.. according to Caroline Chia - "retail therapy is the way to go when your blue" hehehe n i totaly agree! 3. spoilt myself at least one week once to pedicures. 4. went shopping at the thai fair.. its something like a nite bazaar.. cheap stuff but some of it are nice like the cotton pants n all. 5. cut my hair a little shorter n layered it a bit more. so its still wavy n hollywood like.. lolz! but it only lasted for a day.. Ian asked me to leave my hair long still.. so haha.. good to take advice from a guy.. n at the end of the day, its worth it. 6. met up n had a really good bonding time with my best friends Sharina and Jason.. love yall so much.. now that Jason is also studying in KL......... yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!! sharina too mite transfer to KL to be near me and her bf.. oohh n went out with amresh too.. caught up on each others lives n kapsiau as usual la.. played picture dominos n snake n ladder in starbucks for like 4 hours! hahaha reli ntg to do... =p 7. i went clubbing a few times.. haha danced n danced n danced.. actually cudnt move the 1st time i went on the dance floor.. felt so weird but eventually the parttaayyy animal in me showed up that night alright! hahaaha sumwan ajak-ed me to dance with him.. so i went la.. n then lalaladida n laladida until we were sooooooooo hot!! i was literally dripping wet.. yuck! hadta stop! so went bek to the table to rest.. ok asked for my number-i didnt give, asked a whole lot of those usual stuff, pick up lines n all-didnt layan.. LUCKILY!!!!! cause when i came down to KL n met my frens n asked who he was, i was sooooo damnnn happyy that ntg happened!! found out he was actually one of my old friend's bf!! i was like fuck!! luckily we didnt do nething stupid.. dont wana have nemore enemies.. guess he tried to get lucky cause i heard that he's leaving for australia very soon.. ok -end- 8. made out with my girlfriend on the dance floor...(hahaa u know who u are) 9. been reading joke books for women.. lolz!!! gona buy more!! fucking funny wei... but its all based on reality la.. so its not that im entirely reading crap!!! ahhaha will post at least one saying a day everytime i read.. haha weird!! i never like reading but i am freaking reading now!!! damn!! i dont want no nerdy specs or tear everyday just because of contact lenses!! eh but cool oso huh.. maybe i shud go order coloured ones! hahaha oh well hafta c 1st.. so u guys mite one day prolly see me with hazel eyes or grey eyes.. haha kie kie i wana order d!! goin peanuts again!!! hhahahahhaa 10. went down to KL for UV Nation.. stayed with tracy in Bangsar(another story in itself). this trip was sooo last minute n crazy.. pretty dangerous at times especially when i hadta walk to puduraya all on my own after being dropped off by the taxi driver.. crossed a number of roads.. so many ppl staring at me.. damn scary!!! never gona do that again.. so many malays n indians all around plus foreign workers.. uggghh! cant blif i actually risked doin that.. neways im gratefull i reached ipoh safely.. dad came to pick me n i had mcd's for lunch.. rested in my cousins hse... n then at nite we had a big big celebration.. which was a whole lot of fun actually.. haha then we all drove home to penang n reached home bout 2am.. so dead tired.. kk so the rave was ok.. too packed d but i still enjoyed myself.. all my friends n i gave our all on the dance floor.. angie too!!!!! muahahahaha saw quite a number of hot guys myself.. all the ang mos hahaha got hit on by some guys.. horny fellas.. but one was good looking just that he was a little short for my taste n he's a malay = muslim.. so sorry man!! lolz aiyah long story lah! continue when i hav the mood.. ok la not so boring after all lolz this is all i can think of at the moment.. theres definately more that i did.. just cant seem to recall.. oh well.. =) will upload pictures as soon as i get them from tracy n ee ling.. teehee peace! *kisses* | 
i sooooo need to work harder.. was just looking thru all my past certs and achievements.. iv always been last minute and lazy, but i just cant believe that that was me before and i was still able to score and reach my goals.. now im fucked! im super lazy and extremely last minute and my grades are decreasing!! aren't i supposed to be improving!!! i hafta stop taking dad and mum for granted.. just because they can afford what i wanna do and go with my studies doesnt mean i can just slack off and take my own sweet time.. im so homesick!!! i know my weaknesses but im never ever able to help myself improve.. 
in relationships im the same.. i know what needs to be done or corrected about myself, but i always blame my partner 1st.. but sometimes it just is his fault!! =P when i reread what im typing now, all i can conclude with is that, i have completely no will power to do anything plus im super duper homesick!!! i just dont know how to help myself and to make a difference.. its really frustrating.. im so homesick!!! the worst part, i feel lazy to go to church!! i use to enjoy serving in church in the music and dance team plus the youth group.. now im attending a new church here in sunway, its fun its happening, but its not the same.. goin to church doesnt feel the same nemore.. im really trying to get used to their style of services.. i miss my small church back home.. makes me feel at home with the great friends i have there.. im so homesick!!! i miss my hang out buddies.. i cant even go to singapore with them nemore coz of my internship at the end of the year.. so pissed!! cant take any leave at all.. iv been looking foward to this trip so much.. all the shopping partying and fun catching up on each others lives.. but i gota be positive.. who knows there might be an opportunity for me to join them in the end.. 
HOME SWEET HOME 
is soooooooooooooooooooooooo true!!!!!! you'll never know what your missing and only learn to appreciate what you have when you don't have it anymore!!! great lesson learnt for me.. never take anything you have for granted!! always be appreciative and gratefull.. man im emo!! but i know what im saying is true and its really from my heart coz im going thru all this now.. the feeling sucks, but its all up to me to fix my life..
at times, i feel good about myself but other times i feel really down n pissed with everything around me or in my life.. prolly coz im missing home cooked food plus penang hawker food so much that my body is reacting this way.. ugghh..
man, uptil today, i still have so many doubts n fears.. i know im much beter off as i was before it happened.. but now, i cant help but struggle with myself everyday trying to assure myself that im doing the right thing.. im afraid that the same shit will happen all over again.. how can u continue to trust someone who has already betrayed your trust; regardless of the amount of times? its hard to stand your ground, when people are gifted in saying SUPER assuring things to convince you to..
am i falling into another trap?? im feeling really suspicious about my future.. someone say something to me if your reading this!! i think im happy now, but am i????? 